-The name’s JJ
-Slightly grazes Legal age
-Female
-Lives and Dies for Music, Guitars, and Comic Books
-The Comic Relief
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Down Memory Lane
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Dolour.
Yes. What i've been fearing for has happened. The person who has taken care of and instilled values in me my whole life has chosen to live in another country. just another country, they say. it's just a few miles away, they say. nothing's gonna change, they say. Why do you have to sugar coat everything? i know for a fact that we are as good as a thousand light years apart now.
This is the person who has made the most influence in my life. The most important person in my life. In a family filled with negativity, she has managed to outshine all with her morals. Being the ass that i am, i have hurt her so many times. During her tough times, i chose to live somewhere else. I chose not to be a part of it. I swear to God i'd give anything to take them all back. Everyone knows how fortunate i am to be blessed with someone who has been nothing but good to me and has loved me unconditionally. What adds more to the depression is knowing she isn't getting any younger. and i want to spend all the time in the world with her before it's too late. But now that can't happen.
I really find it unfair that those I love the most have to be as far as possible from me. My pillar of strength is now gone. This is what causes me to lose the drive. the drive to live. the drive to believe in myself.
Heck. I'm 21 years old. I am much wiser, older, and mature than the kid she left many years back. But no. This time, it's about her. So I choose to be the 7 year old she saw through the plane window. The little girl who was crying her eyes out because she thought she would lose her grandma forever. I hope still sees me the way she did 14 years ago through that window. A little girl that loves her so much.
I hate everything about airports. The security, food (taste and budget wise), traffic, carts running you over. etc. What i hate the most about it is the "departure drop-off". You can just imagine all the enveloped emotions being filtered at the same time each moment in that God-forbidden airport terminal wing.
Yes. What i've been fearing for has happened. The person who has taken care of and instilled values in me my whole life has chosen to live in another country. just another country, they say. it's just a few miles away, they say. nothing's gonna change, they say. Why do you have to sugar coat everything? i know for a fact that we are as good as a thousand light years apart now.
This is the person who has made the most influence in my life. The most important person in my life. In a family filled with negativity, she has managed to outshine all with her morals. Being the ass that i am, i have hurt her so many times. During her tough times, i chose to live somewhere else. I chose not to be a part of it. I swear to God i'd give anything to take them all back. Everyone knows how fortunate i am to be blessed with someone who has been nothing but good to me and has loved me unconditionally. What adds more to the depression is knowing she isn't getting any younger. and i want to spend all the time in the world with her before it's too late. But now that can't happen.
I really find it unfair that those I love the most have to be as far as possible from me. My pillar of strength is now gone. This is what causes me to lose the drive. the drive to live. the drive to believe in myself.
Heck. I'm 21 years old. I am much wiser, older, and mature than the kid she left many years back. But no. This time, it's about her. So I choose to be the 7 year old she saw through the plane window. The little girl who was crying her eyes out because she thought she would lose her grandma forever. I hope still sees me the way she did 14 years ago through that window. A little girl that loves her so much.
jj apostol was shot at 5:01 AM
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Dear Michael
Hey. here. After a few years, i've managed to have the guts to broadcast your name. MICHAEL. MICHAEL. MICHAEL. yeah. eeww. you have such a common name. what did i ever see in you? These past few months got me thinking. It's really unfair what you're doing to me recently.. what the hell? Out of the blue, you just show up as a friend? I know you well enough to know that you want something. are you trying to make it up to me for giving me the biggest heartache of my life? I don't need a pity awkward relationship with you. I don't need anything from you at all. Dude, seriously.. take a hint. i don't reply to your messages. the only time i replied was when you sent me a birthday message last August.. the day after my birthday.. You still haven't changed. MY birthday is on the 26th, not the 27th ASS! and i'm pretty sure my reply was cold as ice. You know what sucks? i've made a pact with myself to not have anything to do with you in my life. and that just screams "BITTERNESS".. i know you.. you're probably inside your beat up car that smells funky, laughing, believing that YOU ruined my life.. You want people to know that you "broke" me. That's just plain evil, man. But knowing how numb you are, you wouldn't know you're being rude and mean even if it bit you in the ass.. Yes, i admit. i had a dark age after "US".. Arrgh.. there are so many things i would like to say to you.. but i can't... i've been really confused... maybe the reason why i want you out of my life is I do want you in my life. Just like before. minus the drama and the heartache ofcourse.
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end” - - VERY TRUE... we always believe that our first love is something that would last forever, and is invincible.. to our dismay, it always ends when you've invested so much in it.. I try not to think that i've wasted so many years on you.. I've learned so much.. the hard way..
DISCLAIMER: When you're listening to Boyz II Men while writing this, it's for certain that your emotions have gotten the best of you..
Hey. here. After a few years, i've managed to have the guts to broadcast your name. MICHAEL. MICHAEL. MICHAEL. yeah. eeww. you have such a common name. what did i ever see in you? These past few months got me thinking. It's really unfair what you're doing to me recently.. what the hell? Out of the blue, you just show up as a friend? I know you well enough to know that you want something. are you trying to make it up to me for giving me the biggest heartache of my life? I don't need a pity awkward relationship with you. I don't need anything from you at all. Dude, seriously.. take a hint. i don't reply to your messages. the only time i replied was when you sent me a birthday message last August.. the day after my birthday.. You still haven't changed. MY birthday is on the 26th, not the 27th ASS! and i'm pretty sure my reply was cold as ice. You know what sucks? i've made a pact with myself to not have anything to do with you in my life. and that just screams "BITTERNESS".. i know you.. you're probably inside your beat up car that smells funky, laughing, believing that YOU ruined my life.. You want people to know that you "broke" me. That's just plain evil, man. But knowing how numb you are, you wouldn't know you're being rude and mean even if it bit you in the ass.. Yes, i admit. i had a dark age after "US".. Arrgh.. there are so many things i would like to say to you.. but i can't... i've been really confused... maybe the reason why i want you out of my life is I do want you in my life. Just like before. minus the drama and the heartache ofcourse.
“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end” - - VERY TRUE... we always believe that our first love is something that would last forever, and is invincible.. to our dismay, it always ends when you've invested so much in it.. I try not to think that i've wasted so many years on you.. I've learned so much.. the hard way..
jj apostol was shot at 2:15 AM
Monday, October 22, 2007
Stepping Stone
Though i'm a shoo in for next sem, i'm really worried about snow's situation. i can bet a thousand bucks his name wasn't called when the AS Prof was calling out those who were in the "danger zone".. I really pray there was just a misprint or discrepancy. He has way too much talent to not graduate on March.
Take it easy! Ü
Clearances and grades came out today. I didn't go to school though. The thought of getting the clearance report with the word "fail" printed across a subject would be dreadful. Lol. i know. i worry too much. Turns out my grades are far from failing. Wooptidoo! Ü
Though i'm a shoo in for next sem, i'm really worried about snow's situation. i can bet a thousand bucks his name wasn't called when the AS Prof was calling out those who were in the "danger zone".. I really pray there was just a misprint or discrepancy. He has way too much talent to not graduate on March.
Take it easy! Ü
jj apostol was shot at 8:59 PM
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Heck
DISCLAIMER: SPOILER ALERT! DON'T READ ON IF YOU'RE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO WHINES SO MUCH IF THE STORY OF HIS OR HER FAVORITE SHOW IS SPOILED TO HER OR HIM.
PRISON BREAK : Yes.. It really is true that Sarah Tancredi is dead. Too bad. I really loved her character. Apparently, the actress who played Sarah Tancredi was expecting a child during the time of shooting. that's why they killed her character. I can't say i was super surprised. they kept hiding her face this season. haha. But for Lincoln to open that box with sarah's head inside? bleh. that was just too much. Story's kinda getting boring.
HEROES : This season is really interesting. so far, it's equally interesting as the first. I still have comments though. THere's this guy clare's been dating named West. turns out he's one of them. He has the flight ability. i mean. come on! we already have someone who flies.. Nathan.. Is there just a rotation of powers of some sort in the story? Oh. don't get me started on Peter Petrelli. What the hell? how'd he end up in Ireland? I don't like the idea of him having all the powers. For a moment while watching a fight scene, i thought i was watching smallville. the hell, he's becoming more and more of a superman. They should do something about that. Lastly, what the hell is going on with Maya and Alejandro? i know! we get it! Maya unintentionally kills people. But how exactly? come on! i don't get it. do maya and alejandro have this sort of YIn and Yang power? i guess we're just gonna have to wait. as usual.
SMALLVILLE: Hmm... Smallville. The last episode was good. Lana and Clark finally got back together.. i'd have to say again, that the story's getting boring.. Wake up scriptwriters! this is the last season of Smallville! we want more Action! more Lana and Clark! We all know lex is gonna marry super girl in the future right? well if you haven't known, then you should. haha. it's just stupid how easily Lex has forgotten all about Lana now that he has this new obsession.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: Okay, this has probably what has caused most part of the depression. anyway. they say that robin's not the mother right? i know. but i didn't believe it at first cause the future ted never referred to her as Aunt Robin.. up until yesterday.. great.. there was a picture drawn by his kids saying.. "US AND AUNT ROBIN".. the hell? that really crushed me.. i don't know why i was so devastated.. haha. maybe it's because there's a small part of me that believes they'll end up together.. but NO! i always thought Robin would change and then she'd realize she's the one. yeah.. life goes on..
Like any other movie, tv show, or book report, there is a moral lesson. And here it is:
the thing with robin and ted; and lana and clark, i believed too much that they were meant for each other. a part of me still hopes they do end up together.. but we all know that's not gonna happen.. so here..
I just realized that just because you don't get to marry that person and you don't live happily ever after, it doesn't mean that you wasted so much being with that person. that you're relationship is worthless.. you've learned so much when you were with him right? he probably made you stronger and better.. it's just you do have an expiration date.. it sucks, i know.. just think of your failed relationships as a stepping stone to something greater i guess.. :(
you should be crying by now.. lol.. it's weird to have one of my life's greatest epiphanies after watching a bunch of tv shows...
Alryt. Since i had so much free time yesterday and we're switching cable providers, i watched a few shows i downloaded. yeah. the current season of Prison break, Heroes, Smallville and How I met Your Mother. After watching them, i can't help but feel a little depressed. Why? you might ask.
DISCLAIMER: SPOILER ALERT! DON'T READ ON IF YOU'RE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO WHINES SO MUCH IF THE STORY OF HIS OR HER FAVORITE SHOW IS SPOILED TO HER OR HIM.
PRISON BREAK : Yes.. It really is true that Sarah Tancredi is dead. Too bad. I really loved her character. Apparently, the actress who played Sarah Tancredi was expecting a child during the time of shooting. that's why they killed her character. I can't say i was super surprised. they kept hiding her face this season. haha. But for Lincoln to open that box with sarah's head inside? bleh. that was just too much. Story's kinda getting boring.
HEROES : This season is really interesting. so far, it's equally interesting as the first. I still have comments though. THere's this guy clare's been dating named West. turns out he's one of them. He has the flight ability. i mean. come on! we already have someone who flies.. Nathan.. Is there just a rotation of powers of some sort in the story? Oh. don't get me started on Peter Petrelli. What the hell? how'd he end up in Ireland? I don't like the idea of him having all the powers. For a moment while watching a fight scene, i thought i was watching smallville. the hell, he's becoming more and more of a superman. They should do something about that. Lastly, what the hell is going on with Maya and Alejandro? i know! we get it! Maya unintentionally kills people. But how exactly? come on! i don't get it. do maya and alejandro have this sort of YIn and Yang power? i guess we're just gonna have to wait. as usual.
SMALLVILLE: Hmm... Smallville. The last episode was good. Lana and Clark finally got back together.. i'd have to say again, that the story's getting boring.. Wake up scriptwriters! this is the last season of Smallville! we want more Action! more Lana and Clark! We all know lex is gonna marry super girl in the future right? well if you haven't known, then you should. haha. it's just stupid how easily Lex has forgotten all about Lana now that he has this new obsession.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: Okay, this has probably what has caused most part of the depression. anyway. they say that robin's not the mother right? i know. but i didn't believe it at first cause the future ted never referred to her as Aunt Robin.. up until yesterday.. great.. there was a picture drawn by his kids saying.. "US AND AUNT ROBIN".. the hell? that really crushed me.. i don't know why i was so devastated.. haha. maybe it's because there's a small part of me that believes they'll end up together.. but NO! i always thought Robin would change and then she'd realize she's the one. yeah.. life goes on..
Like any other movie, tv show, or book report, there is a moral lesson. And here it is:
the thing with robin and ted; and lana and clark, i believed too much that they were meant for each other. a part of me still hopes they do end up together.. but we all know that's not gonna happen.. so here..
I just realized that just because you don't get to marry that person and you don't live happily ever after, it doesn't mean that you wasted so much being with that person. that you're relationship is worthless.. you've learned so much when you were with him right? he probably made you stronger and better.. it's just you do have an expiration date.. it sucks, i know.. just think of your failed relationships as a stepping stone to something greater i guess.. :(
you should be crying by now.. lol.. it's weird to have one of my life's greatest epiphanies after watching a bunch of tv shows...
jj apostol was shot at 2:41 PM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Ü
i'm broke. flat. i wish people who owe me cash start paying soon. it's just annoying how they think i've forgotten their debts. what am i going to do, dear diary? can you magically poof bank notes within your pages? please? til then, my dear diary!
with much love,
li'l jj
dear diary,
i'm broke. flat. i wish people who owe me cash start paying soon. it's just annoying how they think i've forgotten their debts. what am i going to do, dear diary? can you magically poof bank notes within your pages? please? til then, my dear diary!
with much love,
li'l jj
jj apostol was shot at 6:47 PM
Breakation
yeah so anyway, sembreak's here. it's not much of a break when you're required to start working on your designs for thesis. i have no choice. i wouldn't want to have to pay the price of having a wicked break come deliberation. Ü hehe.
I barely got home alive after being mauled last night in Lawton.. they had to relocate the queuing area for the FX taxis for some reason. i think it's because the former waiting area was a no loading and unloading zone. i'm not really sure. i know for a fact though that it's so much more hassling to the commuters.. yeah.. i really need my car back.. haha..
yeah so anyway, sembreak's here. it's not much of a break when you're required to start working on your designs for thesis. i have no choice. i wouldn't want to have to pay the price of having a wicked break come deliberation. Ü hehe.
jj apostol was shot at 9:04 AM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The start of the countdown
Heck. this is it. this sem's almost over. God that was really fast. i'm beginning to feel the jimjams once again. After this, i must bid my band, and my social life goodbye. I'd be one of those types who'd their bring sketchpads everywhere.. Hmmm.. Sem Break.. Yeah right. i have to make the most of this break if i want a decent design come November. Damn. I'm actually in the middle of thesis revisions right now. then on wednesday, i'd be working on my schemes for the book as well. just wanted to give you an update. nothing much is going on anyway. til then! take it easy! :)
jj apostol was shot at 2:31 AM